You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
