just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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