More tranny stories later!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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