I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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