she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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