This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
