She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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