so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
