There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
