come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
