I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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