You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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