she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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