i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
