I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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