scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
