I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
