I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
