Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
