Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
