I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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