sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
