11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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