"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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