just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
