are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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