Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
