if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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