so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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