Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
