We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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