he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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