you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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