Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
