you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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