my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
