Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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