Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Will you blow on my dice?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
