Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
