Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
