he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
