Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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