On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
