What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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