remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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