my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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