i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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