Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
