if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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