Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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