woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
