My first STD was from a foam party
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
