It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Randomize
